I am River Song
by SecretChances
Summary: Amelia Pond. The girl who waited in her garden. The girl who didn't make any sense. The girl who was my future...


**Disclaimer:** I own Cammie. Everything else belongs to the BBC and places of that nature. Please don't sue me. I am merely borrowing the characters for a little theory of mine.

**A/N:** River Song? What's up with her? I wanna know. Anyway, I have a theory that River is Amy. This is the resulting story. It's meant to be a little vague and ambiguous simply because that's how the show is and I kind of got confused at the end. lol yeah, that's right. I confessed to confusing myself. oops haha :)

**Pairing:** Eleven/River (Amy)

**Rating:** K+ just to be safe. nothing really bad

_Hope you enjoy and hope you don't get too confused. This is my first Doctor Who fanfiction so don't judge me too hard. This just kind of wrote itself in a day and it's unbetaed so any mistakes are mine. Anyways, please read and review and feel free to discuss this theory. I kind of like it considering it totally makes sense. The clues are there you just have to manipulate them right! Also, this is in Eleven's POV. It may seem OOC and I apologize for that. It's hard to be in the mind of a Time Lord you don't really know all that well. _

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It had been a little over ten Earth years since I had seen Amy Williams or, as I knew her, Amelia Pond. She was the little Scottish redhead who had retained her accent even with all the years of living in Leadworth. She never made any sense, even to me, the Time Lord who was ancient and the last of my kind. I suppose I should've known that she was an odd creature. She grew up with a crack in her bedroom wall. A crack that was a rip in the skin of time. A crack which consumed me and brought her back her family when the Pandorica was destroyed. But I should've known she was above all that. She brought me back on her wedding day, a day that was supposed to be happy but she found herself sad. Sad and crying over a person who had just been a dream, an imaginary friend, her whole life. But I was smart. I knew that something would trigger her memories. I told her the story of a little box. A police box, not that she knew it at the time. All it was to her was "something old, something new. Something borrowed and something blue." The TARDIS.

It was a nice night. A nice night of dancing and jealousy, my two hearts confused at the emotions tugging at them. I saw Amy and Rory kissing as husband and wife and something within me snapped. I had to leave. It wasn't right for me to be intruding in their intimate moments. That wasn't the only thing that wasn't right. I could feel the unfamiliar pangs of something I wasn't sure of. I was young in this body but I had already experienced love in the form of blonde beauty Rose Tyler. So what was this new thing? I didn't stay around to figure it out. I grabbed my hat and almost ran out the door. My little blue time machine was sitting in the garden. I unconsciously turned to the place I had found a seven year old Amy asleep on a suitcase almost fourteen years earlier. The hurt and the pain from what I witnessed in the house rushed back. I would've raced off to another time and planet right then and there had River Song not shown up.

She was in black. It looked similar to the dress she had worn when we met up to investigate the weeping angels. Her blonde hair was down and blowing in the wind. She looked beautiful and exotic and that confounded emotion called love flooded my chest with a warm fuzzy feeling but I still found myself pinning—was that the emotion?—for little Scottish Amy who was probably still wrapped in the arms of Rory Williams, the boy who waited two thousand years for her. I would wait much, much longer only to see her wither and die, her accent and sparkling eyes still intact.

"Who are you?" I found my self asking the woman in front of me.

I half expected her to chuckle and say, "Spoilers." Instead, she simply gave me a genuine smile and tucked her little blue diary up under her arm.

"You will find out soon enough. And I'm sorry, that's when everything changes." And with that she zapped away, off to a new planet and a new time.

I was confused but I had a mission. Why was the diary blank? (I told River I hadn't looked at it but I did.) Why had the TARDIS blown up on the specific day of Rory and Amy's wedding? Who or what was the silence? Who was River married to and who and why had she murdered someone? A sickening feeling settled in the pit of my stomach but I didn't want it to ruin my job. I danced into my lovely time machine with every intention of leaving when Amy, darling, red head, Amy, pranced in after me wearing her wedding dress. Rory appeared shortly after and scolded her on her "snogging" comment, one I hadn't really been paying attention to.

We left the wedding party early, slipped away in my little blue box and had loads of fun adventures, answering questions and visiting planets. Defeating Daleks and space men and all sorts of evil bad guys. I nearly died once but the presence of Amy brought me back with out regeneration, something I was glad of. I didn't want to loose her like I lost Rose but in some way, I already had. Rory was there but I could see he was slipping away, loosing interest and loosing the love he thought he had with her. He saw that she wasn't dedicated to him and him only. No, she shared her love with me. It was a different kind of love. It wasn't passion like it was with Rory. It was simple and sweet and caring. Many nights I would lie awake in my room and hear the sounds of young love from the other side of the TARDIS and other nights, I would flit to unconsciousness—for I never slept—my little girl who didn't make sense beside me, her copper hair splayed across my pillow. It was those nights when Rory went back to Earth, back to his time to reassure everyone we were alright.

One day they both left and they both never came back.

I entertained the notion that they got tired of traveling. They wanted to start a family. They wanted heaven knows how many carrot haired little Amys and Rorys running around the house stubbing toes with running noses and green eyes. The image of the happy couple surrounded by children invaded my brain often and I retracted the idea of going back to investigate. I had my answers for some of my questions. I had met River multiple times but she still kept saying that I was too young to know who she was. I was at least four to five years older for bloody sakes! But each time I saw her, she kept saying it wasn't time and it wasn't the place. I would go back to the TARDIS and I would still be assaulted by the wedding night. Who was River Song? Why did her diary bring back all those memories? Why was it blank and why did my little blue box decide to explode June twenty sixth two thousand and ten, the exact date of the wedding? There was a reason. I always told Amy there was a reason for the TARDIS doing what it wanted but what was it?

I continued on my search, found a new companion named Cammie, and attempted to push Rory and Amy from my memory but being a Time Lord, that was hard to do. Then, suddenly, on the night of June twenty sixth two thousand and twenty, ten years after that fateful day, Cammie and I found ourselves in the garden behind the Pond-Williams house, a beautiful redhead woman sitting on the back porch steps. Seconds later a crackle and a bright flash of light brought about River. She told Cammie to go investigate. It took a few tries but eventually my new companion obliged and slipped out the front doors of the time machine. I starred at River for a bit and took in her appearance. Her curly blonde hair was frazzled in a poof around her head and she was wearing tattered clothing. I opened my mouth to ask her what happened but she beat me to it.

"I had to see you one last time," she said breathlessly, one hand on the rail around the console and one on her leg as she tried to calm herself.

"Do I get to know now?"

She looked up and nodded then disintegrated in a cloud of dust. I froze, my ancient, yet quick mind, unable to comprehend what had just happened. I whipped out my screwdriver and sonic-ed what was left of her but the device was just as confused as I was. It said River was a Time Lord and reached her time to die. I stood up. Time Lords regenerate. They don't just up and explode. That's when I heard Cammie yell at me. I sprinted out the front doors to where she was standing. I stopped when the woman on the steps looked up at me, her green eyes sparkling. Those eyes. That face. I knew her. I knew her all too well.

"Amy!"

She sprung up and hugged me with blood stained hands, the crimson splattered on her white blouse and all over her jeans.

"Doctor! I had to see you. I'm sorry." She glanced around me looking for something. "Where's River?"

A grimace of pain shot across my face. "She's gone."

Her face paled. "It's time."

I blinked, my mind even more confused. I could see Cammie trying to figure it out. She had been with me through almost the entire time helping me in my discovery of River and helping me forget this lovely woman in front of me. She probably knew more than me as my mind had been preoccupied with other matters of urgency such as failing planets, Daleks and a near regeneration. I tried to think about it, I tried to figure it out but the jumbled mess of my mind was even more inhibited by the fact that Amy, _my_ Amy, was covered in blood. It had dripped on the concrete steps creating little drops of red against brown and beige. It was then I realized, Rory wasn't there.

"Where's your husband?" Cammie asked. She had figured it out at the same time I did.

"I killed him."

The memories I had so desperately tried to hide, tried to get rid of, flashed across my mind. The wedding, the trip to Venice, their introduction to the dream lord, the dreams, the love I heard them make, the two thousand years Rory had waited for her. My thought halted. Two thousand years. Two thousand years he had defended the Pandorica, defended Amy. He had been considered brave. He had been considered a "hero" for traveling the universe and vowing to protect the box he had accompanied all that time. He was a legend. He was her everything.

"Why?" I asked. "Why did you kill him?"

She shrugged. "It was meant to happen."

"But what about the love? All those times he stuck by you, and you stuck by him?" Cammie asked.

"I won't deny he was a good man. He was the best I ever knew."

I thought for a moment, my brain still working through the mire of almost a thousand years of existence, then asked, "How did you remember me ten years ago?"

"I got River's diary."

"It was blank. Do you know why?"

Beside me, Cammie looked ready to burst at the seams. She knew why. We had discussed all sorts of possibilities and suddenly only one made sense. It was the one we spent the longest on.

"Because of Big Bang two?"

"Exactly. When I flew the Pandorica into the exploding TARDIS, all of time was corrected. Histories re-established, your husband re-humanized, the stars," I pointed above us, "returned. Time was rewritten."

"Yeah, so?"

"So, you never traveled with me. It was all a dream. It was all one adventurous, reoccurring dream." I crouched down in front of her like I had all those times in the past and placed her head in my hands. I chuckled quietly. "Amy Williams, the dreamer. The girl who believed in stars and who believed in time travel."

"I'm an anomaly."

"Yes, well, your genetics were altered the moment you stepped into the time machine. You're different. Always were."

"But why was it blank when it was River's diary and not mine?"

"Because, I never existed. I was all just a figment of your imagination."

Tears welled in her eyes. "My raggedy doctor," she whispered as she placed a hand on my cheek. I leaned in to the touch. "I am so sorry."

"For what?"

"For lying to you."

I looked at her other hand which was wrapped in mine. It began to glow.

"Lying to you? About what?"

She laughed sadly and muttered, "Spoilers."

I froze and Cammie's mouth dropped open. The pile of ash on the plat form in my lovely machine suddenly sprung back into my memory. The was River Song's word. It had been told to me so many times, I sometimes wanted to curse its very creation. More than once I had threatened to go back when the word was invented and stop whoever came up with it but she never let me. It was cause all sorts of problems in the future. So despite my protests, I endured multiple meetings and multiple utterings but for Amy Williams, the girl I wanted for ten years, to say it, simply floored me.

"What did you say?".

"You heard me," she snapped. A few moments passed but it felt like eternity. She spoke again as the glowing got brighter. "There are many things you don't know about me doctor. There are many things you don't know about River."

"She never told me."

"It's my job now." She took a deep breath and our eyes met, green into green. Cammie took a step back obviously unnerved by the glowing. "I had to leave ten years ago because I couldn't stay with you any longer. It wasn't because of Rory or the fact that I wanted to have children. I knew this day would come and I knew I couldn't keep running in to River. It would cause a ripple in the timeline."

"A ripple—?" I started but she cut me off.

"Don't talk. Just listen. Please?" Amy took my head into her hands. She knew how to get my attention. The ends of her hair erupted in a yellow light. "Today is the day you find out. I don't have much time but you need to know. River killed a man, right?" I nodded. "I killed a man. It was meant to happen. It was predestined. I was meant to meet you. I was meant to meet Rory. I was meant to get that diary. The TARDIS exploded on this day because this is the day I die." I went to say something but she placed a yellow, glowing finger on my lips. "This is the day I regenerate..." she trailed off struggling to stay aware longer. "I am River Song, Doctor. I am a Time Lord."

I jumped back away from her as the regeneration took full effect. It took only a few seconds anj d before I knew it, the little red haired Amy Williams was the curly haired River Song, looking as youthful as ever.

"Does this mean we meet in order now?"

She nodded. "Welcome to your future Doctor."

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Oh my goodness, yes that's my fail at an ending. As I said, I confused myself. If I unconfuse myself I may fix it or I may not and just leave it like this lol who knows!


End file.
